Wednesday, September 30, 2009

To deny oneself

~A Princess much?~

These thoughts have been whirling around my head for days - and in an effort to write more prose and be like my blogging idols CJane, Nie Nie, Carli, Lucky Holly I am posting it here... humour me and follow along... please?

These thoughts came whilst once again crying myself to sleep ( I PROMISE I DO NOT CRY EVERYNIGHT - It has only been like 3 times since Miss N was born - OH what sleep deprivation will do to you!)It was triggered by my questioning the MR over his desire to take us on a real family vacation (at the most hottest (for camping) and expensive (for hotels) time of the year) ~ And I think I hurt his feelings ~ so I lay awake questioning

WHY DO I LIKE TO GO WITHOUT?

I think I like to make things hard for myself and then I feel better when I get through anyway. I think there is a small thrill involved of making do with minimal resources! I like to think it makes me tougher...more resilient.

***

When it rains alot (or in last weeks case days of dust storms) I question whether or not I should have a clothes dryer.

- now I am sure one little dryer for my use will not harm the environment dangerously so? But I like to think I am saving money and the environment. But is just little old me choosing not to, really gonna help the environment?

I read somewhere that if every person on the planet was to live like the average american (or Australian we will add) then we would need 3 planet earths - in my warped thinking I like to dream that by me forgoeing some pleasures (ie dryer, heater, aircon) I am enabling a person from say Africa, South America or Asia to live a better life. If we think people in third world countries deserve better or as much as we have - then We must go with out a few things so it evens out -as obviously there are not 3 earths available

***

My Sister in law recently went on a girls night away. I have only been trying to plan one of these for about 5 years!! HA! I wanted to do one with my mum and sister and sister in law ages ago, but never happened. Then I thought I would try with a few mums from church.. but my insecurities come up - would anyone want to go away with me, which hotel to choose, where?, cost, guilt in that I dont go away with my husband, so why would I go away with other people - so I need to organise time away with him first, then a girls night :) OH the Irony! The guilt!

***

I was talking at a party to a mum - talking baby/mum stuff. She tells me that she has a nursery set up at her parents house exactly the same as hers at home (so the baby doesn't get confused) and that her parents have the baby on Tuesday and Friday Nights (overnight) so her and her husband can still go out and have time together and a full nights sleep.

WHAT THE??? I have never even made a bottle - scares me actually (that I get it right) so usually can't be away from my kids for the first 14 months - so I have spent 5 years out of 10 with a constant little clingon and that I wouldn't expect my mother to do that (though I must note she is a VERY Good babysitter and has often had my kids overnight, just not as babies) so I had to admit I was slightly jealous...

***

We were talking pedicures and a mum at school was saying how gel nail polish is all the go as it doesn't chip and lasts for months - I was like well I have never had a pedicure or manicure, so I so wouldn't know anything about that - but now I want one!!

***

Had my first haircut in like 2 years a few weeks ago - my sister and I used to cut each others hair and I have even cut my own hair many times -actually the last time I got foils - Years ago my sister actually did it for me using $5 peroxide. We got a fruit and veg plastic bag, put it on my head, poked holes in it and then pulled hair through the holes - when I got compliments about my new hair colour I would laugh and say my sister did it with a plastic fruit bag and a bobby pin!!!

***

Saw photo of me from Miss N's blessing - I looked hideous, I don't own much make up and it is cheap and getting seriously depleted now my older girls play and use it!!- I need someone to show me the good stuff and how to apply it - when did I become a FRUMP?

The list could go on and on.. but I will stop here


So do I secretly enjoy being a martyr? Or am I blessed to be this way - as without being like this The MR and I might not have made it through unemployment, redundancy, running our own business ~ without being in huge debt.


Why do I feel comfortable in denying myself - yet then will occasionally feel jealousy for those who have what I don't - but yet I could have it - If I just went and did it!

At least I can remind the MR he is lucky his wife is so low maintenance!


So am I lazy? Cheap? Martyr? Stupid?


In an attempt to change my ways I am off to get a pedicure - who wants to come with?



I might need a gentle nudge.

10 comments:

Wilson Family said...

Bobbie I'm the same way. I think it's a blessing called frugality with responsibility. You're wonderful! You really do deserve a pedicure, even for those of us who do without, little comforts aren't bad along the way. Love you and miss you more.
Lindsey

Carolyn Adams said...

I'm right there with you. I never get my hair cut and still wear some clothes that I bought before I was married. As for pampering myself, never make time for that. Sometimes I feel bad about these things and am even a bit jealous of others but mostly I feel that I am focusing more on things that really matter because when I die am I really going to care how my hair looked or how stylish my clothes were? I just have to be careful that I make sure that I look presentable!

The ComberNation said...

Many years ago I was where you are now. The same thoughts the same feelings. Frugality, economical, self-denial at times. The automatics washing machine (2nd hand) and dryer (new) didn't come until No.4 child. And living in a cold, wet State. Suffice it to say I think amongst all other women that surround you, you are the most, beautiful (& sexy), strongest, creative, loving, frugal, and deserving of any little trivial treat that you desire. Yes, go and get the pedicure. My luxury is buying haircolor - on special!!! lol. My dryer us still used on those successive wet days - and there is only 2 of us - and I don't feel guilty. I sent good used shoes off to Africa so that helped them out. Brush your hair, put a color in it, if you like, it is very beautiful. There are a few good hairdressers in the Church work from home, find one. Then you will feel better about going on a holiday. I sewed for myself and children saving money that I could spend on good shoes. I love you. You are a very blessed woman and I am proud and blessed that you are part of our family. xxxxxx

Lucky ♥ Holly said...

Bobbie, I'm in Brisbane at christmas time. I'll shout you a pedi!
xx
H

Peta said...

I think all mothers feel like this too some degree. I was a hairdresser in my younger days as you know and I still only get 2 cuts a year. I know thats bad, with the stuff i know, and still i do it (or dont do it). People get their hair cut from me and ask me how often i cut my hair. GULP. I havent had a pedi or manicure since working in the salon 8 years ago. Since meeting some good friends I have actually started going out once a month with them and on Monday am having the first ever time away from my kids longer than one night!!! (usually at nannas, while I am at home, not anywhere spech!)
Why do we do it to ourselves. We are the ones that look after everyone else and doing something for ourselves makes us feel better and feeling better helps us be better mums. The cash we would occasionally spend on ourselves would hardly be missed... unless by buying a new shirt we started a huge shopping spree - lol
Being a mum is full of crazy thoughts,
are we good enough,
can we spend that on ourselves, can our kids live without us for 24 hrs?

The answer is a resounding
"YES,"

Anonymous said...

This is the first time I have peeked at your blog, I hope you do not mind. I loved the post and the honesty!!
Fiona Rea

Sars life said...

Every Mum deserves a Pamper.

Lisha said...

Ah Bobbie, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the thinks that you think. The day will come when we stop putting our children/family before ourselves in everything that we do and indulge in a little luxury...the wait will be worth it...the time will come...it will come. There will be angels who will help you along the way to a little self indulgence (like your favourite aunty, sister, good friend, your mum or a Lucky Holly who's going to shout you to a pedi) they are the ones that will open those doors to us.

Bless your frugal heart.

Anonymous said...

Bobbie, a pedi isnt just about glamour. It is about foot care. They do a lot before the do the glamour part. Seems to me you use your feet a whole lot. SO take care of them. and if in the taking care you happened to enjoy and feel relaxed and pampered then thats a bonus.
Remember how you are and what you do is part of what you are teaching your 4 girls. This is really the most important aspect of all this.
Jane of Janezworld

Anonymous said...

(I do not deserve to be a blog heroine!!). Now, onto the subject at hand, everyone has very insightful suggestions Bobbie. While there must always be balance some of the very best experiences and adventures come from jumping into an experience you thought was too expensive or off limits and just going with it. One day you might look back and have regrets, so let yourself dream a little and then live some of those dreams.

Carli xxx

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