Thursday, September 9, 2010
When I was a little girl, I had big dreams.
My dream looked a lot like the Anne of Green Gables books.
I dreamt of being married to a wonderful man (he was tall and had dark hair in my dream), and living in a cute little blue cottage in the country or near the seaside. My garden would be full of beautiful flowers and lusch green grass. And playing in that lovely garden would be 2 sweet girls, dressed in summer dresses, their curly hair floating in the laughter-filled breeze. In another dream I wanted lots of children – like 8!-, but still I pictured myself in the garden playing with all my delightfully well-behaved, sweet children.
I really did dream that. I wrote it in my beehive journal when I was 13.
The long and short of it is: I always dreamt of being a mother.
Nothing excited me more than imagining myself with children surrounding me in my own home.
Fast forward 11 years and my wonderful (slightly-shorter-than-me-red-haired) man and I were expecting our first child. Unfortunately, we weren’t living in a picturesque cottage beside the seaside, rather renting a 70’s-style unit in the innercity; but we were deliriously happy nonetheless.
“And what would you like it be?” people would ask. Somewhere in those 11 years part of my desires had changed. Not sure where or how. “A boy!!” I replied excitedly. I genuinely wanted a boy first. I got my wish and 15 months after Lachlan’s birth we were pregnant again. Again, my wish was for a boy. I imagined 2 little boys tottering around together, exploring, building and being best buddies. My wish came true again. Another little boy (who is totally different in every way except his appearance from the first) joined our family. They are indeed best buddies and I love watching their friendship blossom.
It’s 3 years later and here I sit pregnant again. It’s been 6 weeks since I was lying on the ultrasound bed waiting impatiently for the announcement of baby #3’s sex. There were 3 boys in the room all vying for it to be a girl, while I was hoping for a boy. The boys got their wish!
I love my boys to bits. They are delicious! They are affectionate to their mother, a mixture of rough-and-tumble and sensitivity, without many uncontrollable tantrums. Another boy, while I understand that his personality and nature would have been quite different again from the other 2, I envisioned would fit very nicely into our family. We have a million boys’ toys. We have space-bags full of blue clothes. They could have been the 3 stoogers going to stake dances together and we would have spent our Saturdays watching them all play various sports.
I’ve had quite some time to get used to the idea that I will be having a girl and quite honestly the shopping and making of pretty pink things has got me quite excited. At first I thought a lot about how strange it will be to have a girl in the house and wondered how she will fit in. ‘I don’t want a girl’. ‘Think of all those teenage hormones.’ ‘The poor girl will never be allowed out on her date thanks to her protective father’. ‘Little girls throw the worst tantrums.’ Ok, so I generalize and most of it probably isn’t true and let’s face it: boys have their own problems too.
But at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter whether our unborn babe is a boy or girl. She may not have been in my ‘ideal dream’ 6 weeks ago, but she still completes my dream perfectly. I will still be a mother surrounded my children, raising them in a home filled with love.
And that is what family means to me. Family is being surrounded by those you love and whom love you back. Family is my dream come true. Small children who delight in the simple things.
Sure, family life is not 100% rosy all the time. There are difficult times. There are disagreements, arguments, people pulling you in all different directions wanting a piece of you, whinging and whining, too many things to do in too little hours etc. etc. Every day is different. The family dynamics can be rather varying depending on who got out of bed on what side that morning.
But family makes the heart sing. My children, despite all their faults (and whinging) complete my dream and baby girl will just make that dream sweeter.
So our family is going to change in 3 months’ time. We’ll go back to: dozens of nappies lying around the house everywhere, sleep deprivation, the ensuing bad-tempered parents, the huge bag that one has to cart around everywhere the newborn goes, the displaced siblings and endless washing of tiny clothes covered in puke.
But there’s also the peace of holding a beautiful newborn, the gummy smiles, the giggles, the tiny clothes, watching a baby discover something for the first time, the gorgeous gurgling, the JOY a baby brings.
Ahh, family life with young children is full-on rollercoaster ride. But we’re excited to see what’s around the next bend as our family grows and develops.
Here’s to the pink!
Today's family post was by Beverley from Just Me I grew up with Bev so have known her for a long time. I love it when people younger than me are all grown up and have families of their own, yet I can still see them as when they were little :)
Posted by This Girl loves to Talk at 9:01 PM