Quitting

I've been struggling with blogging for a little while now and it makes me so sad.

Because I don't want to stop!


Some of the reasons:

I'm finding it hard to find the time now N doesn't nap during the day
{eating lunch at my computer and blogging/reading stuff on the net was my guilty pleasure}

I feel bad when I ignore the kids to blog/surf the net
{I hate it when they pull my arms away from the keyboard and I say "I've just got to finish typing this..."}

I'm way too tired at night to blog or think coherently
{I'm definately a go to bed early gal, how can I keep up this cheery disposition otherwise}

Don't mention early kids bedtimes to me or I might cry!
{I honestly think things were easier when kids were smaller. Back then they used to all be fast asleep by 6:30/7pm and I would be free for hours to do things I WANT to do, I used to do stitchery, craft, watch tv, plan stuff. Now I have kids up till 9pm in my face not to mention the kid that reads till after 10pm. I follow soon after falling into my bed thus no time for me!}

My kids starting to play computer games more seriously
{half hour each which turns into a little more x 3 kids = No computer time for me!}

I don't feel that I am spending enough time with my kids or parenting them correctly
{so the last thing I should be doing is wasting precious time on the internet}

I went to a class about the pitfalls of the internet and a few things resonated with me
{when we think "I need more followers, I need more friends, I've just got to capture the perfect picture to go with that post" you have problems, When we start thinking in terms of what to put on the internet instead of just getting on with our lives, Even emotional infidelity was thrown around in terms of using the internet as a reliance for your emotional or social outlets instead of letting your spouse and family to be the ones to do that for you. I know that I think about this blog a little too much}

When I receive more comments on my post about Lemon lime and bitters cordial than I do for things I've written seriously about and poured my soul into I start to doubt my ability as a writer.
{And doubt the reasons for why I blog. Is it for feedback? Would I do it if no one was reading? I count you all and I know that I only have 30 - 100 visitors per day. Sometimes I think thats awesome and other times I think I'm wasting my time, I'm NOT THAT GOOD a blogger}

While I was at the Time out for Women I came upon a  person whose blog I read whom I don't know personally. I told myself that I was going to go up and say hi (we have shared comments/emails) but I just couldn't do it. It was almost like embarrassing. I don't know that person, They don't know me. Yet I know everything about them and their family and recognized them instantly. I thought 'I wonder if people think that way about me.' For the first time I felt a little silly for being part of the whole blogging world. Does everyone really need to know my business?
{I'm not scared or fearful of people knowing personal things about me, but it just all of a sudden felt so shameful??}

But don't worry...

I really don't think I will stop

its an addiction and its a free creative outlet {which totally appeals to the cheapskate in me!} 

and I'm super pleased that I have kept this blog up near perfectly for 3 years. I haven't kept a journal that well since I was 16.. ahem thats around 16 years ago now!!

I've mentioned to a few people about maybe quitting the blog and they all replied with a resounding NO! {thanks for the love}

I joked on facebook after a mention of quitting that I probably wouldn't quit, that I would just blog about quitting... how's that for irony!

Anyway no quitters here, just excuse my hit and miss posting.

I've lost my muse, my time and my sanity.

Hopefully it will be back soon.