Friday, July 25, 2008
Being in the moment Parenting #1
Many Children harbour hidden anger and resentment toward their parents (Hello, no wonder I cried!!) and often the cause is inauthenticity in the relationship. The child has a deep longing for the parent to be there as a human being, not as a role, no matter how well the role is being played. You may be doing all the right things and the best you can, but even doing the best is never enough.
Doing is never enough if you neglect being. Your ego knows nothing of being, but believes you will eventually be saved by doing. If you are in the grip of ego, you believe that by doing more and more you will eventually accumulate enough 'doings' to make yourself feel complete at some stage in the future. You won't... you will only lose yourself in the doing.
How do you bring being into the life of a busy family and into the relationship with the child? The key is attention. There are two types of attention.
Form based Attention and Formless Attention.
Form based is always connected to doing or evaluating - "Have you done your homework?", Eat dinner, Tidy up, Brush your teeth. Do this, Stop that, Hurry up.....
Form base is necessary and has its place, but if that is all there is in the relationship with your child, the vital dimension is missing and being becomes obscured by doing, by "taking on the cares of the world" as Jesus puts it.
How do we do Formless Attention? We need to Look, listen to, touch and help our child with this or that. Be alert, still and completely present, not wanting to anything else other than the moment as it is. In that moment you are present, you are not mother of father. You are the being behind the doing....
pg 103-104 " A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle